Hey Guys, a Duster

Saying that Daws was enthusiastic was like saying the Pope was religious. He carried this permanent cartoon dialogue bubble over his head to be filled with "BONUS!!" "BAZOUBEEZ!!(I don't know what it means, either) "LOOZERS!!", well you get the drift. He did a few things very badly; drink, hit on women when drinking, and driving with or without drinking alcohol. Cannabis seemed to be ok. I was at his place one Thursday night, and his cartoon bubble was very busy. "THIS IS ONE-TOKE KILLER HASH!!", after two tokes; "LET'S GO TO THE PUB AND PICK UP SOME BABES!!" and "BAZOUBEEZ!!!". I got into the passenger side of his battle-scarred 2-year old VW, and off we went. It was taking a long time to get there. "It's 8 miles away, and the hash has altered your perception of time" my brain reassured me. Hours later "We're not there yet? What's up with this?". I looked over at Daws the driver, hunched over the wheel, eyes wide-open for any potential problem, and driving 5 mph on a 60mph highway, luckily none of Peterpatches finest had emerged from Dunkin Donuts to resume rounds. Come to think of it, I don't think that, in all my years there any had ever left the warmth and security of the Dunkin for the sordidness of local small-time violence and crime. I figured we were going slow when a pedestrian walked by, asked me the time, and disappeared up ahead. Daws was in a sweat, his bubble strangely empty, only being filled with a "WASYERFUKINBEEF?" when a car screamed by on the left. Or the right. It was another 'apparently' evening. 'Apparently', Daws had finally filled his bubble with a "DOUBLEBONUS!!" when he managed to arrange a tryst with one of the Doran twins, late of the shire of Pembroke. I was having a merely adequate evening of defending the shuffleboard against all comers with my partner, BDDO. Our record was 65-0 by eve's end. Fortunately, as Daws was going a different direction, I was saved further terror as a passenger in the Dawsmobile.

He returned to his hometown every weekend since he hadn't had the sense to embark on a career in academia without encumbrance. Tales from pale, terrorized passengers assured that his driving didn't improve any on unofficial business, such as going to see his encumbrance. One of his favourite ploys on the busy highway connecting our little school to the rest of the Universe was passing a line of cars as they crawled uphill at 65mph, on a double line, and with oncoming traffic growing bigger and bigger each second that passed. His way out of potential catastrophe was filling his cartoon bubble with the words:'HEEZGOTHESHOULDER!!'. and surely enough, each car was forced onto a very soft shoulder at 75.

Daws' driving exploits were both legendary and extremely dangerous.